Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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