Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
