please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
