i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
