too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
