they need to just BURY HIM!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
