the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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