I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have tasted many bathrooms
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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