If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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