Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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