Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
