His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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