When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
