He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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