I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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