Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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