i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
only you would photoshop your dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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