Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize