I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
there is glitter all over my balls
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