Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
