not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
stop calling my apartment porn island.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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