Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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