I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
