Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
