So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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