fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can tuck mytits in my pants
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
