He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
