Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
