I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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