Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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