I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
