I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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