I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
