That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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