I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
