Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
