Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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