god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
