I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize