Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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