Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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