Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
