I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
