I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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