i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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