Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
