I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
