The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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