we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
