Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
