yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
