one might say we're banned from that church
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
