he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you