i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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