I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
