Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...