Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
