A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
