Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
