im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
