Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize