I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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