the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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