Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
