I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
