i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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