Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
