I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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