dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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