You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
