Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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