WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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