well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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Do I have a choice?
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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