I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
