just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
