Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
