Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
