You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
