Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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