That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
