4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
