pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i will never coherently bang her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
