i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
