we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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