i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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