Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
