We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm getting married
To pizza
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
