I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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