i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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