I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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