Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
