I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
