we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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