ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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